Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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