I'm gonna have a badass scar
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
