Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
