so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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