I hate your face
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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