News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
