I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
