his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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