How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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