best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
