ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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