my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
