I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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