Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
