I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
