Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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