Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
