I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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