Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
