Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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