I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
