break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
