Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
