he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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