It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
