Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
