You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
