Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
