Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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