Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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