I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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