well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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