so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
