1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
