# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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