It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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