Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
