I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
