are you so shy because you have an std?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
