i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
