Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
