Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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