remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
