Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
