every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
