Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
