He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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