What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
