So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
