I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
