Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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