i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
